well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
