Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
