:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
