what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
