girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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