CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
