So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
