Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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