I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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