Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
