Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
