Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
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Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
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I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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