Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
