he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
