Who wears a wallet chain?!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
