I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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