People in love make me want to vomit
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
