she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
