Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
