I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You're so nebulous sometimes
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
