matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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