How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
