why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
No subtext here. People are naked.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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