I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
