I'm pants shitting drunk right now
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
