He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
