if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
