your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
