I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
