you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
