If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize