DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
send nudes
from the living room?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
