is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She bit a glass in half.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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