thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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