my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
