you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just want to make out with him forever
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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