I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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