Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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