Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
