It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
