Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
