its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
