i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
