I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
