I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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