Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
