So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
