We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
