I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
