Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
