I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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