you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
