AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
