My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
