dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
