im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
