im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize