i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
