two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
