Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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