dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
