The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
