we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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